Brené’s daughter, Ellen, came back from school and slumped down dejectedly behind the door saying, “I will never trust anyone again”.
It had been one of those awful days when she had shared something in confidence, something personal and was vulnerable with a friend. In no time at all it was all around the class. She was gutted; that horrible feeling of shame we all know well.
The teacher, sensing something was wrong, asked the class what was going on and
when she found out, she took the half full marble jar and emptied it.
Marbles were put in a jar when the class did well, and removed for poor behaviour.
When the jar was full the class would get a treat of its choosing.
Brené’ thought quickly and taking her daughter’s heart cry, turned it around into a
question: Who can I trust? Who are my marble jar friends? She wanted to help Ellen
with one of life’s big lessons.
Marble Jar friends are those we can trust, who over time have filled that marble jar of
friendship, with marbles of small kindnesses and consistent interest taking. Simply
knowing my family’s names and being interested in them. By being ‘half buttock’
friends who are willing to shift over to share a seat so only half of your behind is
resting on it! People who consistently show they are with you and for you, who slowly
over time fill that marble jar. You won’t have too many of these, but you will have
some. Those are the ones you trust.
Melinda Gates (yes, Bill’s wife) says that marbles are put in slowly, one at a time, but
can be taken out in handfuls.
The question is not only who are your marble jar friends but, also, who are you a
marble jar friend to as well? And, oddly, sometimes we could ask ourselves
about our own marble jar; are we our own marble jar friend; trusting and having
confidence in ourselves?
(Taken from Brené Brown’s book: Dare to Lead, brave work, tough conversations,
whole hearts. An excellent read.)
From Chic and Geoff.
geoff.findlay@wpcscotland.co.uk, 07933167480
chic.lidstone@wpcscotland.co.uk 07814093240
